Saturday, February 2, 2008

WHATEVER HAPPENED TO CAPTAIN KANGEROO?

Lyrics by Stan C. Countz

Whatever happened to Captain Kangeroo?
Beehive hairdos and Dippety Doo
Howdy Doody, Boo Boo and Yogi Bear
Granny Clampett rockin’ in a rockin’ chair
Batman and Robin; hob nobbin’ at the county fair
I wanna take you back, I wanna take you there
Back when Wolfman Jack was on the air
We got no flack for sayin’ a prayer
The war in Iraq hadn’t been declared
Terrorists attacks were very rare
Superman was flyin’ in the air
and Sonny was still singin’ with Cher

Before Julia Roberts and Richard Gere
Paris Hilton or Britney Speers
Snow White and Sleeping Beauty
were just beginning their careers
Howdy Doody, Tuttie Fruity
Mouseketeers and Micky ears
We were proud to do our duty
but we had to face our fears
Didn’t wanna catch no cooties
A & W Rootbeer
We shopped at JC Penny and Sears
Kids were kids, not supermodels
and they were rarely coddled
Coke and beer came in little bottles
We were racin’ full throttle
with no racin’ gear
We played in the park
without any fear
Cruised in our cars
not in a ship once a year

Bugs Bunny, Porky Pig and Elmer Fudd
Abba Zabba, Chick-o-Sticks and Milk Duds
Beatles and crickets weren’t just bugs
We didn’t idolize thugs, Crypts or Bloods
Hadn’t fired the first shot in the war on drugs
Herby was our favorite "slug bug"
And Fred and Barney were bowlin' buds

Mr. Bubbles and Mr. Potato Head
Barney Rubble and Fred
Every night they tucked us into bed
While we were watchin' Mr. Ed

When we could and when we were able
We prayed together at the kitchen table
And thanked the Lord for our daily bread
We wore PF Plyers and Keds
And didn't take so many meds
And the communists were the Reds (not the Feds)
Or so they said; today our heroes are all dead

Livin’ together was “livin’ in sin”
Davy Jones and Davy Crockett
Left our keys in the ignition
and never thought to lock it
The keys are in our pocket
Tom Sawyer and Huck Finn
No one drove a “rice rocket”
Pot was somethin’ we bought to cook in
Guess those Happy Days are Gone with the Wind
Along with Rin Tin Tin and Ho Chi Min
Jimmy Durante and Errol Flynn
Those Happy Days are Gone with the Wind

Rode our Schwinn bike to the corner store
and on windy days we’d fly our kite
We all wanted more of Mary Tyler Moore
and we liked Ike and Dick Van Dyke
Bought hardware at the hardware store

Never heard of gigahertz or gigabytes
Software was what the ladies wore
Instead of visitin’ an internet site
We had Afternoon Delight
Psycho gave us all a fright
But it was all in a Hard Days Night

A chip was a little piece of wood
and the only gang in town was Spanky’s
Cowboys were always good
They wore white hats and red hankies
or (more accurately) bandanas
We watched Parent Trap and Pollyanna
Our bike had butterfly handlebars and a banana seat
And we all liked Alfalfa and Buckwheat
We had whitewall tires and a rumble seat

The Beach Boys really made some noise
The Beatles never missed a single beat
Nancy Drew and The Hardy Boys
Couldn't stop groovin' and movin' our feet
Played with Lincoln Logs and Tinker Toys
Granny Clampett and Grandpa McCoy
were our favorite ol' codgers
Never heard of flag burners or draft dodgers
We loved Dale Evans and Roy Rogers

Pickup trucks and Pick-up Sticks
Got our kicks on Route Sixty Six
"Silly Rabbit, Trix are for Kids"
Drove in cars without lids

Bob and Bing were doin’ their "road show" thing
While we were all livin’ in a yellow submarine
Dylan could write but he could barely sing
Chuck Berry singin' ‘bout his “ding a ling”

James Dean, Norma Jean, Orson Wells and Orson Bean
Jerry and Dean were still sharin' the screen
Who knew that, one day, you and me would be
watchin' old re-runs of Gilligan's Island
and I Love Lucy on late night cable TV?

Every night they tucked us into bed
while we were watchin’ Mr. Ed
Taught us to do what the Bible said
or took us behind the wood shed
Whenever we could and when we were able
We prayed together at the kitchen table
and thanked the good Lord for our daily bread
We wore PF Flyers and Keds
And the communists were the Reds, not the Feds
And we believed everything we read in the paper
And everyone knew their neighbor
And no one was afraid of honest labor

Before TIVO, satellite and cable
Our heroes were guys like Clark Gable
And gals like Greta Garbo and Betty Grabel
and Anne of Green Gables
Guess those Happy Days at the kitchen table
Are Gone with the Wind
Along with Rin Tin Tin and Ho Chi Min
Jimmy Durante and Errol Flynn
Tom Sawyer and Huckleberry Finn
Those Happy Days are Gone with the Wind (3x and fade)

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